I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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