Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
