Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
