I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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