My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
