Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
