New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Of course I have a pirate flag
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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