You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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