sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
