Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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