I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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