I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
