you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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