I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
