I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
