Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Houston, we have a blender
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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