oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
