theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I need mimosas to revive my soul
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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