I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
