Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
