Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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