before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Randomize
