I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Randomize
