my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
