You're completely useless in the revolution.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
