are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
