i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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