i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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