Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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