the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
