true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
