I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
This is the high leading the old right now
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
