I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
