I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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