I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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