how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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