I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
