I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
