Girls should come with a carfax report
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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