Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
