Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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