i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
