Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I know her cup size but not her name....
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