I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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