Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
