Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
the day after is always just damage control
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
