R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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