I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
