This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
