Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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