im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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